Sometimes I forget my husband has trauma, and is still healing from his childhood wounds, because of how well regulated he is in our day-to-day life. When I see him struggling or at a fork at the end of the road I can lack compassion and wonder why he has certain struggles. I’m not talking about how there’s room for growth for everyone. I’m talking about how he faces extra obstacles because of how deep his wounds are and how it causes him to struggle. We can collide if I don’t slow down and make room for him to process and grieve.

We at times have had what I call this ping-pong effect where we are in a state of fear or discomfort in our backgrounds spring to the surface and we go back-and-forth with the old tools we had before therapy if we don’t slow down. We then create a division and break fellowship with one another, because I forget.

When I slow down, stay in my lane, and work with my personal growth I’m able to see our stories are different, and we are on our own journey. I need to create a safe space for his heart too. When we married we created space to be vulnerable . I have dismissed and forgotten that space of vulnerability is also trust and comfort. As we now hit our eighth year of marriage I pray I can recreate space of safety for him. When he struggles and falls that I can get down with him and pray, and let God do the work in him.