This was one of the most memorable Mother’s Day. We celebrated on Friday. Peter dropped Jason off at school and brought Logan with giving me some time to sleep in. I was still in bed when Logan ran in with the huge balloon “Happy Mother’s Day mom”. I invited him in the bed to dive in the sun chips together and snuggle. Tears suddenly started streaming down my face. Fighting against negative thoughts and being swarmed with thankfulness all at once.
I don’t take my boys for granted. It’s hard pushing myself past the lies I once was told ‘you don’t deserve to be a mom’. And yet God himself gifted me with my son’s. Then as I’ve navigated the early years of motherhood trying so hard to be the best mom I can be for my boys still never felt I was doing enough. It was my counselor who has helped me slowly build my confidence, push past the lies and even say out loud “ I am a good mom”. Others still question, but I’m done questioning. I can’t raise them in the shame and guilt I never deserved. The battle inside still wages but slowly one step at a time I know I am the best mom for the children God has given me.