If it’s any stage in lives where we are the most real with our feelings it’s when we are babies. About six years ago I learned something knew about people and a lot of things started to make more sense.
Babies can grieve.
I believe that the nine months growing in a birth moms womb is a beauty God has created because when they are separated even at a child’s birth their heart is torn.
They then grieve.
I used to always ask questions about my birth mom growing up even though I already knew I had a mom. My birth mom was a stranger who gave birth to me. But I was still curious. Why, because the nine months really do matter.
Babies are the most tender trusting people there are. To break them is to break their spirit and trust. There are people who adopt from foster families or get their brand new baby from the hospital and still the baby will not eat, sleep, or will cry more often then usual.
All this is ok, because you are not mom yet. Mothers this may hurt to read. But Notice I say yet. You get to be apart of their grieving process. You get the rest of their journey. Maybe you don’t want to sing the lullaby their birth mom sang them or wrap them in the blanket they came with. But this isn’t about you. It’s about helping your baby.
I promise you though in time you will be singing your own lullaby to your baby and wrapping them in new blankets in time. God only knows the time frame. Every one grieves at their own pace.
I encourage you mothers stay strong for your baby, because of you we adoptees have a new birth.
https://hylaandpeterechols.com/2015/09/07/identity-crises/
https://hylaandpeterechols.com/2015/04/25/my-fantasy-birth-mom/
https://hylaandpeterechols.com/2015/04/09/daughter-im-here-now/
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Lovely reminder and perspective. So often it is easy to take for granted a young baby’s feelings that cannot be accurately expressed by the child.
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What a deep thought! As a mom of three lil guys I am simply processing all of this right now. Great post!
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Thank you! I m glad you were encouraged.
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Wow. Lots to ponder in your post. We just welcomed a new baby into our lives – a grandboy. He’s coming up on 6 weeks, and we’re watching the struggle for mom and dad and boy to shift into a cohesive family – what more must an adoptive family experience if their new joy is feeling grief and loss…
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Yeah its pretty intense but over time the child learns to bond once again.
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Thank you for opening my eyes to new perspective on children’s feelings. Thoughtful post.
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What a deep and compelling post. You certainly tapped my tender heart with your words. 🙂
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My brother and sister were adopted, but one arrived when she was 4 months old, and the other when he was 4 years. Our family missed those early days.
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All of the kids in my family are adopted and my mom says she wishes she was there for the early years. That’s what my writing: daughter I’m here now was inspired from.
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Deep important feeling here..makes me want to go hold those foster babies! Thank you..you opened my eyes and hearts to these fear little ones who of course feel grief…blessings to you.
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Thank you! Blessings to you too. Yeah it breaks my heart knowing most children aren’t safe or don’t have someone to call mommy or daddy.
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What a precious thought. A grieving baby that knows his or her world has changed. What a wonderful thing adoptive parents do.
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I read this as my 9 month old was laying next to me. And I honor those moms who have adopted. May each child that is adopted feel Gods prescence even when they grieve.
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This is something I never considered. Thanks so much for sharing!
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Very sweet post and perspective! Thank you for sharing ❤
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Beautiful reminder…even though their is love, there is still a loss that must be grieved.
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How thought provoking. We often, in the rush of busy life, don’t think about the effects things have on the smallest of God’s creation. Thank you for sharing.
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I am a huge advocate for adoption and foster care for the unloved. I’ve never thought about it from the baby’s perspective. But it is true.
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What insightful thoughts. I have friends who have adopted and they have such wonderful stories of the grace of God. I love thinking that they get to be part of the baby’s grieving process.
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I’ve heard that not just those first months, but even first moments are very crucial. This is one reason why after birth we’ve tried to make sure our children are immediately placed on Katie’s chest.
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Oh I love how you put this: “You get to be apart of their grieving process. You get the rest of their journey.” Yes, we are there for the rest of their journey, even those of us who carry our babies and still feel like strangers when we meet. We are all just learning each other. Thank you for sharing this, Hyla.
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