The Most Awkward Question People Ask Us

When we tell people we want to adopt someday and we are doing foster care I am usually not shocked at the ignorance of their comments. But this one caught me off guard. Being adopted and in an only adopted family I thought I have heard it all. But I have learned being on the other side as the adopter you get it too. According to these people children who are adopted or in foster care are seen as less because they aren’t growing in my tummy. They ask us…

 “Why don’t you want your own children?”

Adopters I’m sure you’re mind is spinning and blood is boiling with righteous anger with this question. As we begin our journey I am still learning how to tackle the question when it hits. Because as an adoptee I’m hearing your life doesn’t have value. I find this kind of thinking petty for us who do not get to pick the life we are born into.  

So how am I to respond in these situations? Firmly but with grace. I need to bring it back to God. So many have forgotten that when we choose Christ he is adopting us into his family. 

Ephesians 1:5 In love “he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.  

I can assure I am not in the line of David nor am I Jewish. When believers ask us the question why don’t we want our own children, they have forgotten what Christ has done  for them as well. Jew or Gentile he wants us not by his blood line but through adoption. 

 

Mama birds what is the most awkward you have been asked?

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23 thoughts on “The Most Awkward Question People Ask Us

  1. I try to hear what they are really asking because I don’t believe that most people are intentionally trying to be rude or to hurt you.
    That’s just me.

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    1. I agree! My little one has Autism and so I read a lot of blogs. Some blogs out there talk about none spectrum parents and the things they say like “Are they high functional” or the dreaded “I am sorry.” There are so many other examples but I don’t know these are the least things that bother me. I agree with you. They are trying to be genuine. I just always try to look to the good of people.

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  2. “Is he/she a drug baby?” No, in fact, he/she is a beautiful, perfect child of God. There is no such thing as a drug baby. There are innocent, beautiful, perfect babies that were exposed to drugs by no fault of their own, but that is the private information of the family alone. Please say, “Congratulations! He/she is truly a gift”.

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  3. We have 3 biological, and a pursuing adoption through foster care. What has amazed me is the criticism of why we would want to bring that trauma into our home. I think they think I am being naive because I am an optimistic person. But it has been incredibly hurtful.

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    1. Don’t let others get you down. They don’t have a capacity for that kind of unconditional love, but God has given that capacity to you. You’ll be giving that child a taste of heaven, and that’s what really matters. May God grant your desire.

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  4. I’m so sorry you have to put up with ignorant questions like that. Yes we do need lots of grace and lots of Jesus for certain people lol. I do love how you brought up the point that we are all adopted into the family of Christ!

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  5. I’m still single in my mid-thirty. I don’t know if I’ll get married or have children of my own. It’s all in God’s hands. I am not worry about my biological clock. Should I ever feel the strong desire to take care of another human being, I will go for the adoption path without any hesitation. I know I am capable of loving a baby even though he/she is not my own blood. I think I will even love the baby even more because I don’t have to go through the physical, hormonal changes, pain & discomfort related to pregnancy and child birth…😊

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  6. It’s sad but true. I like your perspective. I learned another perspective about adoption when I was a hospital chaplain. A very young girl was there with her parents to have an abortion. I talked to the doctor first and asked them this question: “Would you be willing to give birth to that child and let it live if a young couple would pay all the costs so that they might adopt the child as their own. The doctor had already told me he would be glad to deliver the baby instead of abort it if the mother and family agreed. The girl said “yes” and her family agreed. I called a Christian adoption agency and In less than half an hour a young couple arrived, signed all the papers and the child became theirs. There are so many people who want to adopt and so few babies to adopt because that option is not usually offered. Thank God for adoptee parents and their adopted children!

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      1. Thank you, Mihaela. I was shocked when I learned that most couples that want to adopt a baby have to go outside the United States because most unwanted babies are aborted. If they don’t want the child, why not give the child to someone else who does.

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      2. That’s what I think too. I also ask do you really think its fair to keep a child if you cant take care of it?

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  7. I think that if the parent (or parents) really love the child, they would do everything in their power to get help. If they are unsuccessful, a loving parent would want to give up the child to adoption rather than wait until the child’s condition gets so bad that the government has to step in and take the child away from them. Loving parents would put the child’s needs above their own desires. What’s your perspective?

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    1. some are just selfish and keep the child before it’s too late. Some are on drugs and alcohol and cant think straight so they think they can be a good parent and may genuinely love their kid but really aren’t.

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  8. Yes, here’s a case in point. Parents with children living in a car and abusive. The State took the children away and put them up for adoption. Later, the parents tried to get their children back. The State refused, and the children refused. They were now in loving homes with new parents who genuinely loved them.

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