I have always been known for being loud. VERY LOUD 

When I talk

Sneeze

Laugh 

Hiccup

even when I walk. 

Most of the time I don’t even know I am walking heavy, or if my voice is projecting. But when I feel unheard that squeaky wheel screams from the inside.  When I was younger I was even louder. My voice would amplify and I would be full aware of it. Especially when I was angry. I would fight for attention in my home, school, church, EVERYWHERE. I couldn’t get enough of it. 

Some find it annoying. Some find it funny. Others say it’s just apart of me. And it is. It’s all of that. I learned at a young age to be the squeaky wheel meant to be a bit annoying at times to survive. 

That is until I started to understand that when I pray, God hears me.  

1 John 5:13-14

“I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”

I don’t have to survive anymore. 

I can live. No more begging for attention with my voice. 

I am always heard. 

My reason for wanting a mama bird shirt is because the memory behind this book is close to my heart. My mom read it to me when I was little. It was no secret that I was adopted.  My mom was always open with me about it and never sugar coated anything. But kept the conversations age appropriate.

I have a weird obsession with birds. I just think they are so cute! When she would read it to me I liked to look at the pictures of the birds. We would talk about the story and meaning but it didn’t really sink in until I was about ten. I saw the book one day and thought bird and adoption hmmm two very good things. But as I read it I began to cry. It turned out the cute birdies didn’t get to stay together. They had to say goodbye. The single mama bird couldn’t take care of the baby bird anymore and had to give him up for adoption.

“Our birth moms share something unique even with different circumstances. They lost someone that day too.”

Reasons vary between different birth moms, but there is something that hasn’t ached in me until adulthood. I was too busy disagreeing with my birth mom’s reason that I didn’t consider of her feelings. She was young, and hurting and may not know the Lord. 

Our birth moms share something unique even with different circumstances. They lost someone that day too.

On our adoption day if we do adopt I hope to be wearing my mama bird shirt. Because this book is close to my heart. 

 

Peter and I are going to be foster parents! Right now we are slowly dipping our feet in the water by starting with respite care for ages 18 months and younger. We are hoping to get our first placement in September 2017.  

For those who know me personally or have read my story you already know how  passionate I am about adoption. 

Peter and I have a very high respect for full time foster parents and have been waiting for the right time to start. We have talked about waiting until our first child bio/or adopted had been with us for a year. But after speaking with a friend who told us respite is a high need, my heart couldn’t take it. We prayed, talked and decided.  A week went by, we asked for her card, and began the process. 

“We prayed, talked, and decided.”

 Full time foster parents and those who adopt are hero’s. They are the front line of ending child abuse, and giving children hope. And we are the people are in the back ground saying “Keep on keeping on” that is why we are choosing to do respite care. This is something that has been heavy on my heart even before Peter and I got married.  

We are aware of the emtional hurts are going to come. The people who don’t understand. That some might even shame us for starting only two years into our marriage. But when God puts something this heavy on our hearts and has blessed us beyond belief how can we not? It might be confusing to the world but maybe because this love is not of the world. 

 

They believe her screams are tantrums. I know they are screams for help.

Only a help God can give. Because he knows her deepest cries.

They say her tears are attention seeking. And they are, the attention she always needs.

They rebuke me for holding her close. I wont apologize for making up what was lost.

They shake their heads at her delays. Well…. pardon her progress.

Shes seen as the worlds misfit. Soon she will learn it’s a good thing to be.

Some see a monster….I see my child.

 

More here:

Daughter I’m Here Now

    If it’s any stage in lives where we are the most real with our feelings it’s when we are babies. About six years ago I learned something knew about people and a lot of things started to make more sense.

Babies can grieve. 

    I believe that the nine months growing  in a birth moms womb is a beauty God has created because when they are separated even at a child’s birth their heart is torn. 

They  then grieve.

    I used to always ask questions about my  birth mom growing up even though I already knew I had a mom. My birth mom was a stranger who gave birth to me. But I was still curious. Why, because the nine months really do matter. 

    Babies are the most tender trusting people there are. To break them is to break their spirit and trust. There are people who adopt from foster families or get their brand new baby from the hospital and still the baby will not eat,  sleep, or will cry more often then usual. 

    All this is ok, because you are not mom yet. Mothers this may hurt to read. But Notice I say yet. You get to be apart of their grieving process. You get the rest of their journey. Maybe you don’t want to sing the lullaby their birth mom sang them or wrap them in the blanket they came with. But this isn’t about you. It’s about helping your baby. 

    I promise you though in time you will be singing your own lullaby to your baby and wrapping them in new blankets in time. God only knows the time frame. Every one grieves at their own pace.

    I encourage you mothers stay strong for your baby, because of you we adoptees have a new birth. 

 

 

https://hylaandpeterechols.com/2015/09/07/identity-crises/

https://hylaandpeterechols.com/2015/04/25/my-fantasy-birth-mom/

https://hylaandpeterechols.com/2015/04/09/daughter-im-here-now/

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