I’m Not In Charge

Would you ever change your past?

    No. Would I change that I was abused? No.Would I change that I was put up for adoption? No again. I am the person I am today because of these events. This is the story that God has allowed to be mine. We are not the only authors of our stories. God allows things that are out of our control to happen to us and I can not explain why. God cannot be fully explained. But because of these events I can sympathize with those with similar hurts and understand fears and challenges of being adopted. 

    Have you ever doubted Gods plan in your life?

    No. In fact I prefer His choice. God picked my family and only He can pick the perfect family for us. Why? Because He created us. Therefore, He knows us best. My parents could have adopted any child, but instead our paths were brought together. This is no coincidence considering my mom didn’t even know Romania was a country. Adoption itself is a miracle and only God can give us those. 

 

More reads here:

why I’m writing on adoption: Talk about adoption

My story

Birthparents

Think About It

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What do you think parents should consider before adopting?

Three things: 

  • It’s not a walk in the park
  • You never know what your going to get
  • It’s a life long journey

    It’s not a walk in the park in fact, it’s a walk through thorns. There is a reason why so many adopted children like myself come broken with shattered pasts. There is a reason why adoption exists. The past usually is ugly and so the child views everything in the world the same way, ugly.

    You never know what you are going to get. Some children may be adopted as infants and grow up to be your more challenging child verses the child you adopted at seven. In some cases parents may have an idea of how the child may be but in most cases it’s a risk. 

    Their ugly past will always be apart of them, but they do not have to carry it with them forever. Adoption is where life begins for some of them. You are now apart of their journey as soon as they are yours. You are their hero, even if they don’t see it in the beginning, they will in time. They might say things like “You aren’t my real mom or dad.” on this journey. They might try and hurt your other children if they are biological or themselves on this journey. They are scarred and bitter because they once saw the world as ugly, but you get the opportunity to show them the beauty of the world, and God. Just like a child you have given birth to adopting a child is another life long commitment because by adopting them you are making them yours.

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/04/05/talk-about-adoption/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/02/27/my-hearts-desire/

Daughter I’m Here Now

I wasn’t there to dry your tears

to hold you tight when you were afraid,

to give you food when you were hungry,

to help you get better when you were sick,

to laugh and sing with you,

to tuck you in bed at night,

to hold your hand,

I wasn’t there when I wish I could’ve been but I’m here nowI can’t make up for our lost time. But here and now I can give you what you needed then. A hug, words of encouragement, dry your tears, help you face your fears. I’m here to be apart of  the rest of your story.  I’m here… to dream with you, and help you reach goals higher then you could ever imagine. 

To help your heart soar.

To sing with you off key. 

To pray with you during the hard and confusing times. 

I’m here now later than I wanted to be, but daughter lets count the memories God gives. 

I wasn’t here then, but 

I’m here now. 

Your Forever, Mommy

More here: The Hardest Story To Tell: Mine

My Skittle Family

20150405_235007Due to the privacy of one of my siblings the name is unmentioned and picture is covered with a flower petal.

    What was your experience like growing up in a multicultural family?

Growing up I would be very annoyed when people would say things like “But your sister is Latino so she really isn’t your sister? Or “Well they aren’t your real siblings”

    According to the world’s standards if I do not  look like my siblings we aren’t related. If we all have different birthparents it is “impossible” to have a bond with eachother in ways birth flamilies do. Adoption world is different. I do not feel closer to my sister fom Romania verses my sister from America. They are all my siblings. It is like asking twins if it is weird to be a twin when their answer would be no why?  Because it is all they know. To me it would be weird to have a sibling that my parents didn’t adopt. I know it’s rude to stare and I wrote an article on it (It’s Rude To Stare) but there are times I would catch myself staring at my friends and their siblings or parents because they do look alike. It is normal for me to see a multicultural family. It is normal for me to hear everyone’s story before they came to be with their forever family.

    What is the biggest age difference between you and your siblings, and how does it effect your relationships?

    Being the oldest girl that already makes me one of the bossy ones. This has also given me the “second mom” standard in my house before I moved out. Because of this I have learned what it takes to run a house and it has opened my eyes to the reality of not wanting twelve children  as one could imagine. My youngest sibling is 6 and my older brother is 26.

    The ages are 6,7,10,14,15,18,18,20,20,23,24,26.

    Based on your experience growing up, what is one thing you plan to do differently When you become a parent?

    I would honestly say more encouragement. Adopted children are more fragile whether they want to admit it or not and need it. All of us have the sad story before we got to live (adoption) and for some the struggle is harder than others. Being encouraged on the little things like how well they listened, or how helpful they were with something on a day to day bases makes them want to seek attention in a positive manner and not feel the burden of being unwanted.

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/mom/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2012/12/29/show-and-tell/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/04/05/talk-about-adoption/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/the-beautiful-t/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/courageous-child/

Talk About Adoption

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    At a young age I learned how to extend grace, because I was adopted. I was shot with rude comments, questions, and lectures on how to live my life by curious, innocent, and ignorant people. 

     I am starting this series for the ignorant and curious. No more ignorance! It is time to learn about adoption! I have started the Adoption series for those who honestly want to ask me questions on adoption with out stepping on toes. For those who are offended by my readers questions get off now. This is for them and I want to be open and honest with them as well. 

    So let me introduce myself. Hi name is Mihaela, I was adopted at the age of three. My story is found in The Hardest Story To Tell: Mine

    I have five sisters and six brothers; we are all adopted. Some of my siblings are from the foster care system and some from out of the Nation. Each of us are snowflakes, sharing one thing but all so very different. Behind all our eyes there is a broken story to tell, but by the grace of God we have had a beautiful ending, adoption. Or so some think. What most forget is the journey each adopted child takes. It does not end at the adoption day. In fact adoption day is like some of our birthdays. That day itself is the day some of us started living for the first time. 

Ok Readers ask me anything on adoption. This is for you. 

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/03/19/the-hardest-story-to-tell-mine-2/

 

Blood Doesn’t Mean Everything

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Having a conversation with a fellow adoptee they told me they do not feel close to their parents. To help you understand they are referring to their adoptive parents. So I asked this; how is it you still call them as often as you do and our friends who lived with their birth parents have terrible relationships?

    Blood bonds are deep and I do desire it some day My Hearts Desire with my child, but I don’t believe it is what makes the relationship. There’s so much more! I am adopted and I still call my parents once a week just to hear them. They seek all of their children, because they are their own. Blood isn’t our bond. I am bonded to them because they chose to love us the way Christ loves us.

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/02/27/my-hearts-desire/

My Hearts Desire

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I long to be a mother someday. Not just any mother, a mother who seeks, and fights for her children the way my parents did for me. I would love to adopt a child and love them as my own because they would be. But maybe that isn’t what God wants for me and who ever I may marry, and I have to be open to that. This is a harsh reality I have to face, that maybe I am not equipped to adopt whether that be financially or emotionally.

  That does not mean I have to quit in my firm belief  in finding children Godly homes to live in. There is still something.There is always something. Not everyone can do Foster care, be in the FBI , or an Astronaut . Readers I have not given up on my desire to adopt. I am not encouraging anyone to quit their desires either. In fact I’m encouraging you to press on. I can still pray for the orphans, for people who are adopting, and people who do foster care. I can donate money to adoption programs or friends who are adopting. There’s always a way to  support our desires if we feel passionate enough about them. 

PTSD Black Sheep

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    Some traumas haunt us for the rest of our lives. Though I was a happy child I would have random out bursts crying uncontrollably and rocking myself like I did in the orphanage. I call these episodes. I wanted to hurt someone, but didn’t know who. Sometimes I wanted to hurt myself because I would be mad that I  had survived and the others didn’t. I would have good days and bad. Thoughts of suicide danced in the back of my head. After theses episodes I would feel numb.

    I don’t know if I have real flash backs from my past but my nightmares do feel real of course. Here’s the part that scares me the most. These nightmares could be real flashbacks. This “depression” would only come in waves. I’ve learned that I would only episode after watching movies with traumatic events or when people would ask me about my past. Till this day I only talk about it with my mom. Birthdays were always hard, school was never easy for me, and I held every one at arms length. I was the “troubled” child  who was taken out of the room for extra help because nothing would sink in. Any fast movements scare me. I don’t flinch as much as I used to, but I still get scared.

     This is the thorn in my side.

Some traumas haunt us for the rest of our lives.

    People don’t just “get over” trauma because some traumas aren’t simply scars, they’re gashes.

    God is my victory.

   He is my breath, my day, my night, my reason and  my purpose. I may have haunting and hurts but why should I let it win? Christian Crutches like I’ve said in my writing The Hardest Story To Tell: Mine “Mean people are the result of sin and so badly the Devil wants to rob us from the truth of knowing God, who He is and how much He loves us.

 

 


The Hardest Story To Tell: Mine

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the “food” was always mashed up. There were about four of us to a crib.

    The helpless crying baby would cry for the love she needed, but no one would come. She’d cry and hope, cry and hope, cry and hope until there were no more tears to shed.

Left alone.

Abandoned.

    But something inside her told her to keep hoping and keep crying, someone
will hear you. Years she cried and hoped for her life. The hope never died. When the special some ones finally came her crying then, turned into screaming. She wanted so badly to love them back, but how could she if she never knew what love was. Hatred toward people burned in the little girls heart. What happened in her first three years marked her heart in way only God could change. The love her parents showed her was so foreign and yet so addicting. As she grew older fear of losing them grew more each day. She was falling in love. Then they told her about who Love is, how He brought her to them, how he died for her sins and how He loves her. She believed and loves Him back. That day she accepted Christ to be the boss of her life.
The little girl is me.

    I’m alive and shouldn’t be at least that’s what the world says.
It would’ve made the most sense, that is why they call me a survivor.
My first three years of abandonment are only explained by a miracle. What
you just read was only a glimpse of what I went through. As I mentioned I hated people and was locked out from reality. I felt like the world was moving around me waiting to be touched and I was in glass. The only emotion I felt for years was fear. Fear of being hit again, left again, and unwanted. But when I asked Christ to be the boss of my life I became alive. I would “run” the best I could with my hurt little legs, sing, love, and be fearless because He is living me in. There were times I have forgotten my first love, Christ (The Scariest Road), but like in the orphanage He hears my cry and calls me His.

    Romans 8:15 “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Babies were placed on bread trays stacked on racks.
Babies were placed on bread trays and stacked on racks.
Nicolae Ceausescu, the man who started the orphanages.
Nicolae Ceausescu, the man who started the orphanages.
we would rock ourselves for self soothing, and look at our hands because it was the only thing to look at.
we would rock ourselves for self soothing, and look at our hands because it was the only thing to look at.

    Some ask how  could I believe in God after what I went through. My answer is this. I believe there’s a hell. I’ve only tasted it in just three years. Mean people are the result of sin and so badly the Devil wants to rob me from the truth of knowing God and who He is and how He loves us. The Devil thrives off of abuse and will do anything to pull us away from God. Why? Because God is love, joy and enough. 

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/02/20/ptsd-black-sheep/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/06/29/life-verse/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2014/09/05/her-identity/

Courageous Child

 
 
                 Outward joy is when everyone can see the joy of the Lord spilling out everywhere.
 
      Four years ago I met this little girl. I loved her and still do. She is what people would call a walking miracle. With all the dirt, blood, tears and abandonment in her past she smiles. This little girl is my sister, Anissa. My family adopted her when she was five. When I look at her I see what she’s been through. But this is only because I know. If I were a stranger I never would have guessed it with the biggest smile she wears everyday and the most hopeful look in her eyes. Sometimes I think kids get it more than adults do. She doesn’t stop to think and frown at what had happened. Instead she loves her new life and embraces it everyday. How do I know this? She calls my mom, mom and believes it, she calls my dad, dad and believes it, and she calls Jesus, Jesus and believes it. She is always the one who has to pray at the dinner table. At her adoption July 15th 2011 there was a man who had helped with Anissa’s case and he said “I keep a picture of the old her to remind myself why I do what I do.”
Everyone of the social workers were amazed at how different of a child she was from the first time they’ve met her and who she is that day. A miracle? I know so. 
 
    Romans 15:13
“May the God of  hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the  Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”