The Hardest Story To Tell: Mine

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the “food” was always mashed up. There were about four of us to a crib.

    The helpless crying baby would cry for the love she needed, but no one would come. She’d cry and hope, cry and hope, cry and hope until there were no more tears to shed.

Left alone.

Abandoned.

    But something inside her told her to keep hoping and keep crying, someone
will hear you. Years she cried and hoped for her life. The hope never died. When the special some ones finally came her crying then, turned into screaming. She wanted so badly to love them back, but how could she if she never knew what love was. Hatred toward people burned in the little girls heart. What happened in her first three years marked her heart in way only God could change. The love her parents showed her was so foreign and yet so addicting. As she grew older fear of losing them grew more each day. She was falling in love. Then they told her about who Love is, how He brought her to them, how he died for her sins and how He loves her. She believed and loves Him back. That day she accepted Christ to be the boss of her life.
The little girl is me.

    I’m alive and shouldn’t be at least that’s what the world says.
It would’ve made the most sense, that is why they call me a survivor.
My first three years of abandonment are only explained by a miracle. What
you just read was only a glimpse of what I went through. As I mentioned I hated people and was locked out from reality. I felt like the world was moving around me waiting to be touched and I was in glass. The only emotion I felt for years was fear. Fear of being hit again, left again, and unwanted. But when I asked Christ to be the boss of my life I became alive. I would “run” the best I could with my hurt little legs, sing, love, and be fearless because He is living me in. There were times I have forgotten my first love, Christ (The Scariest Road), but like in the orphanage He hears my cry and calls me His.

    Romans 8:15 “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Babies were placed on bread trays stacked on racks.
Babies were placed on bread trays and stacked on racks.
Nicolae Ceausescu, the man who started the orphanages.
Nicolae Ceausescu, the man who started the orphanages.
we would rock ourselves for self soothing, and look at our hands because it was the only thing to look at.
we would rock ourselves for self soothing, and look at our hands because it was the only thing to look at.

    Some ask how  could I believe in God after what I went through. My answer is this. I believe there’s a hell. I’ve only tasted it in just three years. Mean people are the result of sin and so badly the Devil wants to rob me from the truth of knowing God and who He is and how He loves us. The Devil thrives off of abuse and will do anything to pull us away from God. Why? Because God is love, joy and enough. 

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/02/20/ptsd-black-sheep/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2015/06/29/life-verse/

https://hylachamberlain.wordpress.com/2014/09/05/her-identity/


15 thoughts on “The Hardest Story To Tell: Mine

  1. It’s hard to fathom babies going through this. Adults couldn’t even handle it … Fear, isolation, hate, beatings …. Sounds more like a prisoner of war camp than an orphanage. And yet little babies and little kids are forced to call these places home.

    Your words are convicting as well as we’ve gone through a rough day with Leyla. Well, many days are rough with her. Yet I’m wondering how much of her behavior is born from the same fear of being left alone, or abandoned.

    Thanks for being brave in your story.

    Like

  2. I have heard adults describe conditions for children in orphanages, but never the child as an adult. Thank you for sharing your eye-opening experience with us. Part of our mission is to care for the fatherless.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your story is such a powerful one. Only God can break those strong walls we have in our lives. I am SO sorry you had to go through this awful experience. No child should have to face such circumstances.

    Liked by 1 person

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