My children are wrapping up their first year playing T-ball being on the same team and it’s been so amazing watching them play. Even in all of the excitement Peter and I have noticed the competition and different approaches to sports as parents. It took me by surprise considering the ages and the program we chose to put them in. We know as we continue this journey our core values will come in conflict with sports.

It all started with giving our children a lot of options and exposure to different sports in our backyard for about a year and we noticed them leaning toward baseball the most. So we went for it! With baseball being more hands on, we thought it was perfect for their ages. Their coach asked if we wanted to keep them in baseball down the road. We said ‘as long as they’d like to be’. When it comes to their interests or activities they get to decide. Their hobbies or interests are about our boys, not us. I didn’t see myself as a mom in the backyard pitching a ball to my boys and having them practice running bases. But here we are! Another unpopular approach Peter and I take with baseball is the time it takes up in our schedule. As much as we want to lean in our children’s interest we don’t fill our calendar with their activities. Before signing them up we see how realistic the hours, locations and days it will take up. If it overlaps with Church they will have to miss. Even amongst fellow believers this is a hard balance. I always remind myself when I come in conflict with this unpopular opinion.

My children will be standing before God on judgement day. Not their coach.

As we encourage our children in their activities we hope they too walk away with these truths: this is for them, it’s good to do activities that bring them joy, and balance is important.

Let our words be flowers to the moms who are in the swings of the hard parts motherhood brings. The ones who have hard pregnancies. The moms who had to fight to even gain the title mom. The moms who are sleep deprived to the point where their eyes sting most days. The moms who are learning boundaries with friends and family. The potty training and gently being consistent in discipline, and most of all the moms who are doing all this while tending to childhood wounds. The moms who are reliving and learning to clean their wounds so they don’t spill over to their loved ones. Their hearts are tender, because they too want to be good moms and didn’t have a clear compass. Their minds are learning to shift and speak gently to themselves as they do to their children. They are unlearning and doing motherhood for the first time. The only difference is they came into it hurting, and are finding pain they didn’t know existed. If no one is encouraging you in the thick of it right now I’m here to say God sees your work. He entrusted you with your child and with his strength you can have victory over the wounds that keep hitting the surfaces.

We arrived safely to our new home November seventh and we are so thankful for how smooth everything went. We decided to make the most of this trip and turn it into a family vacation along the way. We had a system planned out making the trip as smooth as it could be.

Each day I had a little something new for the kids. They got new sticker books and activity books and they would get them in the mornings after checking out of the hotels. After our afternoon stop we’d let them watch a movie. For our stays we pre booked and pre planned making sure each place would have a pool and breakfast. 

For food we stopped at restaurants for lunch and whatever they didn’t eat we reheated in the microwave for dinner. I had hotdogs and apples and things in my on the go cooler for dinners in case they ate most of their lunches.  At each Restaurant we would do potty breaks and tidy up the car a little bit with toys they have dropped along the way.

Peter and I had a game plan. Depending on when we would check into hotels. Some nights we would let the kids go swimming. For mornings we would do breakfast there then go back and start loading up the car. I would fill mine and the kids water bottles with fresh water. The nights before I would lay out mine and the kids clothes so we could collect our bags faster. I would also reheat food from restaurants for dinner and unload the cold food in the fridge while they would be swimming. 

On the first day we drove straight to Idaho and stopped for gas and had a picnic from food I packed. Then my sister in law got us pizza and we met up at their house to take the kids trick or treating. It was so fun! The hotel was ten minutes from their place and we skipped swimming.

The next day we drove to the first restaurant for lunch and then went to the potato museum. Afterward we headed on the road for a long stretch to Wyoming and the kids got to go swimming that night. Wyoming was beautiful. After checking out the next morning we headed to a beautiful botanic garden and a really nice restaurant for lunch that had the best food and atmosphere for families.

The next day was a longer drive to Colorado and we took a break the day after. We knew with being on the road for a few days we wanted to make sure we were having fun and taking a break in the middle of the trip. We decided to do an adventure day in Denver, Colorado. We did the children’s museum and lunch at the aquarium and the aquarium after lunch. I highly recommend the aquarium. It was amazing! After the adventures we headed to our next hotel that was only an hour away. 

The last stretch to Texas was our driving day we didn’t do much. We just got to our hotel to swim and went to a play ground. We booked a hotel near our new home and stayed there for two nights giving us time to get there in case something happened along the way. The day we moved in was really fun! We went to a play ground then out for lunch at Olive Garden. The kids loved it! Then we unloaded and did leftovers for lunch.

After being here for six weeks we are seeing more each day that this big life change has been a great fit for our family.

We are homeschooling! We officially started in June when Jason finished up preschool at his private school. 

I started in January only doing twice a week dipping my feet in the water helping us get in the routine on Jason’s home days. That way I could figure out the kinks of when we started official full-time homeschool. 

This helped a lot the first week, because both boys knew what to expect. 

Our days for school are very simple. We have our morning routine and then they get an hour of free play that gives me time to work on my morning chores and set up anything for school. Then we meet in the playroom and we do our circle time. In that time we are counting, going over our alphabet, going over the calendar, and reading one story. Then we go into the dining area and do the lesson or sometimes we just do the lesson right on the playroom floor. The lesson usually is a game, something I find on Pinterest, a workbook (they do as many pages as they feel), or they use fun materials like a puzzle. I personally love reusable things. So we don’t have a lot of supplies. The school days are only 30 minutes long. The rest of the day is filled with playing, a play date, or going somewhere. So far I have loved the breathing space that homeschooling has allowed. It also has given me the privilege to be on the front lines of their learning. I love seeing them connect and figure things out.

I originally was on the fence with the idea and thought it over for about six months. There was apart of me that was craving flexibility for our family and not a strict structure. We thrive on routine and flow. I didn’t want our calendar to be over filled and miss connecting with my children. I wanted to be in charge of our calendar. At first I was hesitant as we were figuring out how give our extroverted son the much needed time with friends. Peter said he would bring them to Awana giving them consistency throughout the school year. They could do recreational sports, a co-op and of course play dates. We have taken both our skills and combined them. I am more organized and love figuring out creative ways for them to learn something and Peter is also an extrovert and isn’t too tired to go out at night.

We are doing homeschool year around giving them breaks for when we go on trips and for events so we can keep the routine making it more smooth on all of us. That way we don’t have the feeling of starting over. Instead going with the flow of the next step.

This is the beauty of homeschool. We get to do what works for our family. Live a slower paced intentional life where we can grasp the lessons with our children and grow along side them.

As I walk into this Summer I don’t want it look back on it as something I just filled my calendar with and was exhausted the whole time. I want to look back at this Summer as a time I enjoyed with my children by just playing with them and letting them take the lead. I want room for them to take Summer in in their own way with their simple play.  I want slow days exploring the beaches. The running barefoot in the cool green grass. The sweet taste of fruit and popsicles. The splash of a pool or sprinkler. I want to dig in the dirt with them, pick wildflowers, catch bugs, roast marshmallows, make simple meals so we get more outside time. Summer isn’t meant to be rushed by the beauty it holds. 

It made me sad this morning while holding and rocking my son and singing that my children are the only young children in Church. Young families aren’t attending anymore. The heart of the body of a Christ has lost sight of the urgency of the gospel. 

We sat and sang in clothes we wear every day. Coming as ourselves. 

As I gently work on my boys hearts showing them that following God isn’t about rules, perfectionism, and shame I want them to see the honest beauty God has for them. 

The approach should have always been gentle. When it became a place of guilt, comparison and perfectionism, that’s when I believe the shift of the next generation stopped coming.

When the lifestyle of the generation who worshipped God on Sunday’s, but their actual lifestyle didn’t line up. That is when the next generation stopped coming. 

The Church has become lukewarm and have taken lightly of our Savior. If people are claiming a belief and become inconsistent with their lifestyle then that belief is less appealing for outsiders to seek and hold onto. Again, why the next generation have stopped coming.

The Church has become lukewarm and have taken lightly of our Savior.

James 2:26 “As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without eats is dead.”

When the Bible teaches the opposite. It teaches love, iron sharpen iron, encouragement, accountability, and salvation. It teaches us being imitators of the one who calls on the children himself. 

Philippians 2:1-11

Ephesians 5:1 “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love just as Christ loved us and give himself for us as a fragment offering and sacrifice to God.”

Luke 18:16 (Matthew 19:13-14, Mark 10:14)

“But Jesus called the children to him. 

‘Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.’”

I plead with my generation to do better. To rise up and not let our hearts and our children’s hearts be cheated with the abundant life Christ offers us when we walk with him. 

When we actually follow, imitate christ and invite God to have meaningful joy in our lives. The church will grow and the pews will once again be full.

In the past I would’ve told my children they couldn’t partake in communion. But today I took it as an opportunity to tell them why we are getting juice cups and crackers. I’m learning in the chaos of life to teach my children the most important thing that they will need to turn to at the end of the day which is following Jesus.

“Talk to them. Let their curiosity be an opportunity to include them in something good.”

If I truly want my children to learn about the Lord and follow him I need to take the daily opportunities. 

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

Ephesians 5:1-2

When they willingly pick up their Bible and ask to read.

When they ask questions at bedtime. 

When they want to play Bible story app with me on my iPad. 

When they ask to sit in Church and do what the grown ups are doing.

When they want to do their own “devotional” while I do mine. I give them daily bread books to write in while I work on mine.

These are daily opportunities that I cannot let slip past me. Ephesians reminds us about the waging war inside world. This is a soul battle. This creates an urgency in my heart as I’m reminded of this.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Ephesians 6:12-13

I want to slow down and let their curiosity lead me to godly conversations with them. Even if it inconvenient to the worlds schedule. It’s powerful for them and could save their very souls.

This was one of the most memorable Mother’s Day. We celebrated on Friday. Peter dropped Jason off at school and brought Logan with giving me some time to sleep in. I was still in bed when Logan ran in with the huge balloon “Happy Mother’s Day mom”. I invited him in the bed to dive in the sun chips together and snuggle. Tears suddenly started streaming down my face. Fighting against negative thoughts and being swarmed with thankfulness all at once. 

I don’t take my boys for granted. It’s hard pushing myself past the lies I once was told ‘you don’t deserve to be a mom’. And yet God himself gifted me with my son’s. Then as I’ve navigated the early years of motherhood trying so hard to be the best mom I can be for my boys still never felt I was doing enough. It was my counselor who has helped me slowly build my confidence, push past the lies and even say out loud “ I am a good mom”. Others still question, but I’m done questioning. I can’t raise them in the shame and guilt I never deserved. The battle inside still wages but slowly one step at a time I know I am the best mom for the children God has given me. 

I  used to think it’s not a big deal if you see a dad holding his child. People would compliment Peter and say he’s a good dad for holding the boys. I would shake my head at these compliments. Overtime I’ve learned some children don’t even have memories of being held by their dad. Our culture has taught men to not be affectionate, because it’s a sign of weakness. Children don’t need a tough dad, they need a kind compassionate dad who gets down at their level wipes her tears, talk to them calmly when they are losing their own control. They need a dad who reads to them, can be silly with them, who doesn’t rule over them, but gently guides. They need a dad who holds them. 

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

At the end of the day it’s about being intentional with our children. Whether we work or stay at home with them. The value of a stay at home parent is no less or greater then the one who goes to work.

When  we step into the mindset of comparison we take away the value both sides deserve. The reality is, both work hard. There are easy days and hard days. Both equally important. One side is saving the other side making. The investment looks different but adding quality to your lives. 

The days don’t end until the kids are asleep. When the working parent comes home their day is not over. There are still chores to be done, relationships to connect with. This is the same reality with the stay at home parent. The stay at home parent does all the behind scenes keeping the house intact and cultivates the environment for the family.

For our family finding the balance of Peter not overworking and our family still being provided for is our goal. Finding breathing space where we are all connecting and having time to reset is really important for how we want our children raised. It starts with recognizing each others jobs as both important and then staying engaged throughout the day even on the days we are exhausted. Parenting is hard, and exhausting, and we only get to do is once as a team.

Holidays are meant for family traditions and not to be filled with chaos or obligations. 

I love holidays! Valentine’s Day, st. Patrick’s, Easter, Mother’s and Father’s Day, Independence Day, Birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas! 

As Peter and I became our own little family holidays were just in passing. Growing up my family went big for them and we got to see our cousins almost every month on my dad’s side. The house was decorated, we’d always get treats, have a feast, and even dress up for some of them! 

After we had Jason I was excited to give him those kind of memories too. We don’t go as big but I create them in ways I hope they remember. We decorate the house, special treats and activities are always involved, and they are simple. 

I’ve learned I’m not the kind of mom who wants to travel, go big, drag my kids to events, cook and bake big feasts. I want the holidays we celebrate with our children to be fun for all of us and not leaving Peter and me burnt out. This means protecting my peace too. I ask myself who, how, and when and what will be the most smooth way to celebrate and make the day special. For example for Easter because it lands on a Sunday we celebrate on a Saturday spreading out the activities and not feeling like it should all crammed and rushed after church. There aren’t any rules on how you celebrate holidays. Only the rules you set! Society may say different but society isn’t in charge of your wallet, your personal beliefs, your children or your peace, you are. We decide under no obligations. That in itself is freeing.

I’ve been intentionally looking for things that bring me joy outside of motherhood. 

There was a time where I felt like I was losing myself and the interest things I loved.

My  life was take care of the babies, then crawl into bed at night, every night. In that time I wondered how long I was gonna be in that season. Because it’s different for every mom.

Now that we are getting up only 2 to 4 times a night and not five times or more I’ve been able to have the energy to pour back into myself.

I’m slowly moving in an imperfect direction of gaining those things back. 

I’m intentionally looking for the open time I do have. The open time is smaller due to my new season but it is still there. When Peter gives the kids a bath and after I’m done with night cleanup and daily chores are caught up on. I have about 20- 45 minute window to take that time to pour into myself. If chores fill up that time I still have after the kids go to bed. That is an hour of time I have intentionally chosen to pour into myself in a way that doesn’t reflect my roles as wife and mom. I’m blogging again, picking up my Bible, and strumming my guitar. It’s all in spurts but they bring me joy. 

I’m still me, just mom me. 

From the very beginning of the first tears of yearning for our child. 

To tears of joy when you first meet them.

When wiping their tears of sadness or hurt.

When wiping their noses from colds. 

When cleaning vomit from spit ups or sick days. 

When the potty training begins.

When their wounds need mending.

Their Puddle jumps of play. 

Summer cool off fun. 

The sweat from your day to day activities. 

The pouring of coffee or water refills. 

Absorbing all the spills with towels. 

The splash of water on the dishes.

The water from when we are cleaning our littles in playful bubble baths. 

Motherhood is wet. 

Our goal for food is to help our children have a healthy relationship enjoying the connection it can bring and not feel guilty or controlled by it. 

In our home we use words like “fun food”and “growing food”. Changing the language teaches them that food is not bad and they should not feel bad for eating.

The fun food is things like cookies, cupcakes, cake, and candy. These show up at holidays, events and at friends home. We follow the same principle with juice. We allow our children to have these things even if there is dye in them because we do not want them to be such a forbidden fruit that they will be craving it more, and feel the need to either hide, or feel guilty if they have anything that is a fun treat. 

Fun treats is not something anyone should feel guilty for having. 

Then there is growing food. Which what we cook and bake in our home.

Including them in as much as we can has been helpful too. Having them involved in grocery shopping and cooking lets them be apart of the whole experience. 

When we go grocery shopping I give them jobs. They put things in the cart, help look for food that’s on the list, help unload, sometimes scan, and they have been loving using the chip reader at check out. We then unload at home excited for all the food we bought both fun, and growing. 

When we cook or bake they love gathering what we need, pouring, mixing, and working all the buttons on the cooking appliances. They love trying out the final product. 

Another thing we encourage is them telling us when they are full. Some days it can be five bites of their food other days they finish the entire thing. I want them to learn at an early age to listen to their body. When we run into the situation when they take one bite of their meal and then ask for a fun food, we count five more bites. Or when they choose to not have dinner we tell them to come join us and they can chat with us and have bread but can’t have a fun snack before bed unless they do a try it bite of their dinner. In our home dinner is not just about meal it is about connection. 

With doing all this the boys love soups, hot dishes, pastas, and other favorite dishes. Our key is connection and involvement. Not a finished plate. 

In a few days I have the privilege to hear the wrapping paper tear and watch my little boys eager hands rip open their Christmas gifts. What a joy and blessing it is to be able to be a mother and have these memories stored in my heart. These memories are my gifts. Time ticks too fast when I look back each year. So I exhale as I wrap and say a prayer thanking God for this moment. 

I am facing a new reality. As I give my children the gift I wasn’t given I’m thankful and long for what they are given. But it’s not temporary. This grief will be forever. I thought it was because they are the ages of my orphanage years but as my son is exiting the age I was in there for, the emotions stay.

They have the freedom to cry, express any and every emotion, deny, be wild, have opinions, make mistakes, they have the freedom to repair with apologizing, any hours of the day and night for as long as they are ours. 

As I grip this new reality I hold it lose in denial. Then day to day grief is heavier the more I push it back instead of allowing myself to process. 

I play back the stage of my life of his age. 

Memories.
This is where my earliest memories lie. I’m adopted at this point experiencing my first Christmas and Easter. Saying my first words. 

In todays emotions of my child being disappointed in the color bowl I was filled with a sense of grief. I’m able to recognize my irritation as masking my grief now as my children grow up I’ve noticed I’m not mad at them I’m longing. 

Now that I’m accepting the grief for what it is this gives me freedom as well. 

Freedom to give it to God. Freedom to be thankful and grieve over and over and over with each stage motherhood brings me. 

For those who know our boys know they love sharks, trucks, tools, wrestling, digging, climbing, and play hard. But we also embrace them learning about their world. 

We are a non gender specific home.

Immediately I know I am getting some emotions and reactions to that specific quote. Because somewhere in society boys and girls are told wether it was appropriate to play with specific toys because of their gender.

My boys also have a doll, pretend food, and a doll house. They even cook and bake with me. We live in a world of babies and homes which they may learn to take care of down the road and these are not gender specific. 

When we take away doll houses dolls and pretend cooking stuff we take away life lessons boys need to learn.

There was some time where roles such as cleaning, cooking, and taking care of babies was taken away from men and put on women. When in reality it’s just part of being an adult.

We live in a world where dads do not know how to be dads because it was once the women’s roll to take care of the kids and the dads are simply physically there. They would go to work and their day would be done. This was taken from them. 

Thankfully society is in a shift where both parents cook, change diapers, work, play with the children, help them with school, and take them fun places. 

I’m gonna give you a few examples where we would get side glances. I have fun fairy wings and angel wings that my boys go around wearing sometimes.

Boy bugs have wings. Boy birds have wings. So when I put on wings they are not being girly they’re just playing. We are taking away the curiosity of children by labeling things too early.

Wings:

Child: “I want to fly like a bird, or bug.” 

Adult: “Those are pink, or sparkly they can’t wear those.”

Sparkly ring: 

Child: This is shiny and pretty. It looks fun.

Adult: You can’t wear a ring that his a flower cuz it’s girly.

Minnie Mouse show:

Child: Minnie show is fun.

Adult: that’s a girl show. 

This is adult content going into children. When in reality children aren’t complex. They are simply curious about their world.